The F Word
by Luna de Rivera
Summary: Could also be called "Five times Zuko asked for forgiveness and the one time he gave it." Oneshot. Set after The Western Air Temple.


1.

Toph made him carry her on his back for three weeks as punishment.

"It's your fault I can't walk, so you're responsible for my transportation," she'd told him, a deceptively innocent look on her face. "Now let's go, I want another tour of the temple."

 _It could be a lot worse,_ he reminded himself at the end of the day, when his back ached and his feet were sore with blisters from climbing up and down the Western Air Temple. Besides, he didn't mind all that much. Toph was rambunctious and talked _way_ too much, but he didn't think she harbored any resentment or ill feelings towards him. Which was strange, all things considered.

He brought it up with her one day, after she'd made him run up and down the moonpeach orchards for an hour. He'd been about to collapse with exhaustion when she decided he could take a break. He was sprawled on his back, Toph sitting next to him, when she used her earthbending to knock a couple of moonpeaches down and handed one to him.

Warily, he sat up and accepted the fruit. "Why are you being nice to me?" he asked cautiously.

Toph snorted. "Because I'm a kindhearted and generous soul, Sparky." The sarcasm in her voice was deafening. He rolled his eyes, forgetting that she couldn't see him, and let the silence descend on them for a few minutes.

"The other three keep talking about how we shouldn't trust you because of all the times you hunted them down," Toph said finally, more contemplative than anything else. "But the only time I remember running into you was at that deserted town in the Earth Kingdom. And you weren't attacking us then." She turned to him, the questions plain on her face

Zuko sighed. "The hunting them down... that was mostly before they met you, I think. Before the North Pole."

"What happened at the North Pole?"

His finger rubbed against the leathery skin of the moonpeach. "I'd lost everything. I was desperate," he said brusquely, not really wanting to go into it. "Afterwards, it was just me and my uncle. We had nothing except a makeshift raft and the clothes on our backs."

"You snuck into Ba Sing Se by acting as refugees." It was a statement, but the lilt of her voice conveyed a question.

"It was no act," Zuko murmured to the ground. They were silent for a few more minutes before Toph spoke again.

"Look, I know what it's like to be the new member of the group," Toph said awkwardly. "I know they can be a bit much sometimes. And besides... in my experience, you haven't been entirely horrible. Except for the feet thing, of course." She wiggled her red soles at him, and the guilt swept over him like a wave.

"I really am sorry about that," he rushed out, scratching at his head. "It was just instinct, but I really should've checked before attacking. I know how much you rely on your feet, and I can't imagine what-"

"Sparky, relax," she cut him off. He paused at the wry look on her face. "I know you're sorry. Honestly, sometimes I think you're more guilt than person."

"I have a lot to be guilty about," he muttered.

"Well, cross one thing off your list, okay? I forgive you. Let it go." She thought for a second before punching him in the arm.

" _Ow_! What was that for?!"

"Just making things a little more even." Her grin was positively impish. "Now, come on, break time's over! Let's go around the orchard again!"

2.

The more time Zuko spent with the Avatar, the more he wondered why on earth it had been so difficult to capture him.

Aang was naive, impulsive, and trusting to a fault. He was always ready to rush headlong into danger, without any regard for what that might mean for his own well-being. And for what? The thrill of adventure? Making a new friend?

"Look how cute he is, Zuko!" Aang cooed, thrusting the baby tigerdillo cub in his face. Making a face, Zuko pushed the airbender's arm away.

"I can't believe you spotted a tigerdillo cub stuck in a tree from that high up," he muttered, shielding his face from the hot midday sun. _Or that we flew all the way down just to rescue it,_ he added in his head.

"I'm the Avatar! Helping people - and animals - is what I do!" Aang replied cheerfully, setting the little cub down. "Get home safe, little buddy!" He watched it scamper away before turning back to Zuko. "Okay, we can go back now."

"This is the third stop we've made since leaving the Sun Warriors temple," Zuko pointed out, exasperated, as he started to climb back on Appa. "I'm steering from now on, otherwise we'll never make it back and Katara will _actually_ kill me."

Aang opened his mouth, and Zuko thought the kid was going to protest, but then he closed it again, a thoughtful expression on his face. He stared at Zuko for a second as the firebender settled himself on Appa's head, and then shrugged, propelling himself onto the bison's back with a gust of air.

Zuko flicked the reins and Appa took off, soaring through the sky again. They flew in silence for a few minutes before Aang spoke up, a strange tone to his voice. "Appa seems to like you a lot."

"Probably because I rescued him that one time."

"Yeah..." Aang trailed off, the curiosity clear in his voice. "Why _did_ you rescue him?"

Zuko tensed. "Are you complaining?"

"No, I just," another gust of air and suddenly Aang was sitting beside him, a little too close for comfort. Zuko scooched away instinctively. "I was just wondering. You didn't have to, but you did anyway."

He wasn't sure what compelled him to answer. Maybe it was the innocent curiosity in Aang's eyes, the gentle understanding of an airbender. Zuko sighed. "I had a choice to make... and I guess I was tired of being the bad guy." He didn't meet Aang's gaze, thinking back to that fateful day underneath Lake Laogai. "I guess I also felt bad for everything I'd already put you guys through."

"Hmm." The understanding was still there, but there was an edge to the Avatar's tone now - a little more guarded. Zuko winced.

"Look, I never really properly apologized for... all of that," he waved his hand in the air lamely. "I was just trying to restore my honor, but you... you guys were just trying to survive. And I understand how difficult I made that for you. You were just a kid - you still _are_ just a kid."

"You're just a teenager," Aang pointed out, and Zuko was reminded uncannily of their first meeting in the Southern Water Tribe. "And I think you were just trying to survive as much as any of us were."

"I know, but it's not the same." Frustration gathered at edges of his tone, the result of the guilt that was sweeping through. "I'm trying to apologize and-"

"-and I'm trying to tell you that it's okay, Zuko," Aang cut him off, his cheerful demeanor back. "I understand why you did what you did, and I've already forgiven you. Now we just need to focus on taking your dad down."

"I- okay," Zuko replied, bemused. He still felt like there were things he needed to say, but the look on Aang's face told him that wasn't necessary.

Aang grinned at him. "Do you know what a cloud feels like?"

Zuko frowned. "What are you- _Aang!"_ He broke off in a sharp yell as the airbender grabbed the reins and jerked Appa into a steep nosedive, laughing maniacally all the way.

3.

Sokka's forgiveness turned out to be the easiest of all. Which surprised Zuko, since out all of the members of the Avatar's little group, the Water Tribe warrior seemed to be the most complicated. He very vocally disapproved of Zuko joining their group, yet he was the one to show him around and welcome him, however uncomfortable the welcome was. He roped Zuko into swordfighting spars and hunting expeditions, yet there was always a cautious eye on Zuko's back whenever he was training Aang.

Now, they were flying high above the clouds in a stolen hot air balloon, talking about their ex-girlfriends and Zuko honestly didn't know where he stood with the other boy.

"I'm sorry about Princess Yue, Sokka," Zuko said, breaking the awkward silence that had descended. _That_ had been the right thing to say, not _t_ _hat's rough, buddy_ honestly, what was wrong with him? But Sokka turned to him, surprised. "What?"

"I... never mind."

"What's wrong?" Zuko prodded, and Sokka gave him another one of his cautious looks.

"I just didn't think you knew her name, that's all."

Zuko tried not to feel stung, he really did. He understood why Sokka would think that - what reason would he have had to know the name of a Water Tribe Princess? "I did... and I'm sorry," he repeated, not sure what more he could say.

"It wasn't your fault," Sokka muttered, drawing his arms around himself.

"If I hadn't taken Aang, you guys wouldn't have had to come after me, and you might have been able to stop that jerk Zhao before it was too late," Zuko rushed out guiltily, the words spilling from thoughts that had haunted him for months. He thought about the Moon Spirit more than he'd like to admit.

"Zuko-"

"I know it wasn't directly my fault, but still-"

"Zuko-"

"I never wanted anyone to _die_ , you have to understand-"

"Tui and La, Zuko, would you shut up a minute?" Zuko paused at Sokka's irritated tone. "You seriously need to chill out. I mean, you have enough to be sorry for without adding unnecessary guilt on top of it."

Sokka's words seemed to have the opposite effect, because Zuko's face fell. "Oh no," Sokka said. He sighed, slapping a palm to his forehead. "I didn't mean... jeez, don't look like such a kicked rabbiroo."

"I don't look like a kicked rabbiroo," Zuko replied sulkily.

"Right," Sokka said dryly. "Look, I didn't mean that you should feel guilty all the time. But seriously, I don't need to forgive you because there's really nothing you could've done. You don't have to feel sorry about Yue."

Zuko blinked, bemused. "Oh- I... okay."

Sokka glanced down, fiddling with his belt. "Honestly, it means a lot that you cared so much."

The firebender's cheeks grew warm and he glanced away. "Oh, yeah, uh-" he cleared his throat "-you're welcome?" Sokka rolled his eyes in response, but there was a slight smile on his face.

"I'm going to sleep," he replied, effectively ending the conversation. "Wake me up when we get there."

* * *

4.

"Your girlfriend hates my guts," Zuko whispered to Sokka at the helm of the stolen airship. The water tribe warrior was fiddling with the controls, trying to navigate them away from the Boiling Rock.

"She doesn't hate you." Sokka glanced behind him to where Suki was sitting. She gave him a quick smile as their eyes met and then resumed glaring at Zuko's back. Wincing, Sokka turned back around. "Yeah, okay, maybe she does."

"What should I do?" Zuko could _feel_ the intensity of Suki's glare on his back.

"I dunno, go talk to her or something." Sokka flipped a switch and frowned at the controls, trying to figure them out. "Apologize for the whole burning-down-her-village thing again."

Zuko glanced furtively at Suki again, who narrowed her eyes. Sensing that Sokka wasn't going to be any help, he turned around and squared his shoulders. He walked across the airship and came to a stop in front of Suki. She looked a little surprised that he had actually come over, but quickly schooled her features into a scowl again.

"What do you want?"

Zuko cleared his throat. "I wanted to apologize, properly, for what happened on Kyoshi Island. That was a long time ago, and I was a different person then, but that's no excuse for how I acted and I'm sorry."

Shock flashed through her normally steely grey eyes for a second. Then, they hardened and she turned away. "Whatever."

Zuko bit his lip. "Was... was anyone hurt?"

"Like you care," Suki scoffed.

"Of course I care!" he replied, with some emotion that wasn't quite anger or guilt but a combination of the two. Suki looked up again at his strident outburst, the fire dissipating from her eyes somewhat.

The two regarded each other for a moment before Suki cleared her throat. "There were no casualties. Just a few minor injuries."

Relief washed over Zuko and he sat down. "I never meant to hurt innocent bystanders," he said sincerely. "Or anyone, actually. Even when I was hunting Aang, I always meant to capture him unharmed."

Suki tilted her head and looked at him curiously. "I know that," she said simply after a moment. "Besides, you didn't even really burn down the village. You just kind of _lightly singed_ it."

Zuko looked up in surprise at the tiny smirk on her face. Was she making fun of him? Suki sighed, the rest of her anger melting away. "And I guess you kind of made up for it by rescuing me from prison," she allowed.

Biting his lip, Zuk tried not to sound too hopeful. "So are we okay?"

"I suppose," Suki sighed. "Sokka seems to trust you anyway, and I trust him more than anything." The airship lurched suddenly.

"Everything's okay!" Sokka's frantic cry came from the front, and both Zuko and Suki rolled their eyes in exasperation.

"Don't know if I trust him to get us back safely though," she muttered, shooting Zuko a wry smile. Their eyes met and after a second, he smiled back tentatively.

* * *

5.

Zuko couldn't take his eyes off Hakoda.

Ever since they had gotten back to the Western Air Temple, he just couldn't stop watching him interacting with Sokka and Katara. The way he had hugged Katara so tightly when the stepped off the temple, the relief and joy plain on both of their faces. The way he clapped Sokka on the back as they retold their prison escape adventures, the pride evident in his eyes.

Hakoda _loved_ his children. Hakoda was _proud_ of his children.

Zuko was happy for them, he really was. If anything, at least it made Katara happy enough that she forgot about hating his guts for one evening. But as hard as he tried, his happiness for the Water Tribe family didn't quite mask his own bitterness.

He stood on one of the temple's many balconies, staring out into the vast darkness. He knew he was brooding, but he really couldn't bring himself to care.

"You alright out here?"

Jumping slightly, Zuko turned to see Hakoda standing behind him. He had been so caught up in his own thoughts he hadn't even heard the older man come up behind him, which was unusual for him.

"Fine," Zuko answered a little more brusquely than he'd intended. Hakoda frowned slightly, and Zuko tried to make his tone more polite. "Is there something you needed, Sir Hakoda?"

Hakoda let out a snort, walking forward to join him at the edge of the temple. "You don't have to call me sir. Just Hakoda is fine."

The firebender nodded, and the two stood in silence for a while. "Look, Zuko," Hakoda began finally. "I appreciate you helping us out at the Boiling Rock, and I can tell that Sokka trusts you. But you'll understand if I still have my reservations."

Zuko's hands clenched the railing.

"I know that you've changed now." A certain degree of skepticism still shadowed those words. "But I also know that you've made my kids' lives a living hell for the better part of a year. That's not something I take lightly. So if we're going to be in the same place, I just want to make sure you're not your father's son."

To Hakoda's surprise, the firebender let out a loud laugh at those words. There was no humor in the laugh though, just a harsh undercurrent of bitterness.

"Trust me, my father would be the _first_ to deny that claim," Zuko muttered, his eyes flashing. Hakoda was slightly taken aback.

They were silent for a few moments before Zuko sighed, the sound filled with something heavier than Hakoda could quite understand. He noticed the same weariness he'd seen in Sokka at the Boiling Rock, the weariness of someone who had dealt with far more than someone his age should have had to.

"I'm really sorry for everything I put Sokka and Katara through," Zuko said, turning to face him. The previous bitterness in his tone was gone, but so was the guilt - instead was just a strange sort of resolution. "And I'm really sorry for what I did - and what my nation did - to the Southern Water Tribe. If we win this thing, if Aang beats my father, I'll make sure all the necessary resources get to the South Pole to help rebuild it."

Hakoda was left speechless. Whatever he had been expecting, it certainly hadn't been _this_. "I tried to be my father's son for sixteen years of my life," Zuko continued, the bitterness creeping back in. "It took me so long to realize that I would never be that. And even longer to realize that might not be a bad thing."

Suddenly, Hakoda was no longer talking to the Fire Lord's son, the one who had been chasing his beloved children around the globe for a year. He was talking to a boy fighting in a war, a boy who was only a year older than Sokka. He felt a small wave of shame.

"It's a very good thing, actually," he said firmly, and Zuko looked up at him in surprise. "I didn't mean to be so harsh with you. I can see that you're remorseful about what you've done, and I respect that a lot. It takes a lot of guts to stand up for what is right and to admit to your own mistakes." Zuko looked even more surprised, if that was possible. Hakoda wondered how many times Zuko had been genuinely praised in his life.

"Thank you, sir." Hakoda couldn't help but groan.

"Seriously, please just call me Hakoda." Zuko didn't answer, but he saw the corner of his mouth lift slightly. The two were silent for a few more moments before Hakoda spoke again.

"You've got a good heart, son. Just follow that and it'll lead you in the right direction."

Zuko's shoulders tensed, and it was another few seconds before he replied. "How about this - don't call me son and I won't call you sir."

Hakoda cracked a wry smile. "You've got a deal."

* * *

+1.

Zuko stared at the girl in front of him, his brain not quite processing. "You... bought me a bag of Fire Flakes?"

Katara huffed, looking equal parts annoyed and embarrassed. She held the giant bag in front of her as if it was a rabid animal. "I thought you liked them. If you don't want them, I'll throw them away."

"No!" Quickly, Zuko reached out and snatched the bag, holding it close to his chest. Katara rolled her eyes fiercely. "But... why?"

The waterbender wouldn't meet his eye, glancing around the room. She played with edge of her dress slightly. "Y'know, to show that we're... cool now. It's like a peace offering."

Worry shot through Zuko. "I thought we were already cool? You said that you were ready to forgive me."

Even he could the slight accusation in his voice, but he couldn't help himself. He had _just_ gotten on Katara's good side, not more than four hours ago, he couldn't afford to piss her off again so soon.

"I did forgive you!" Katara insisted, folding her arms over her chest. "Why would I buy you Fire Flakes if I was mad at you?"

Zuko frowned, still utterly confused. "Why are you giving me a peace offering then?"

She glanced up at the ceiling briefly, as if praying for divine help. "You're really going to make me say it out loud, aren't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

Katara blew air out from between her lips, fluttering her hair slightly. "Okay, _fine_. Look. I know I've been kind of... unwelcoming to you these past few weeks. I was still mad about Ba Sing Se. And a lot of other things. Like how you chased us around the world for a year and tried to capture Aang."

"I really am sorry about that," Zuko jumped in quickly. But to his surprise, his apology just made her even more frustrated.

Katara stomped her foot, looking angrier than ever. "Would you just stop!"

Zuko really had _no_ idea what was going on. "Stop what?"

"Stop being all contrite! You're making it really difficult to apologize to you!"

The firebender blinked. "Apologize to me?"

"Yes! I'm trying to say sorry for being such a jerk to you so I got you the Fire Flakes because Toph told me that you told her they were your favorite snack. So I went _all the way_ to the Ember Island market to get them because I felt bad because I was really mean to you for a while and you didn't deserve that."

Zuko was, if possible, even more confused. "Oh... you didn't have to do that," he said dumbly. "I mean, I know you were just trying to protect Aang and the others. I get why you were mean."

She rolled her eyes, but seemed more calm. "That's true, but it was still mostly uncalled for. So I'm sorry, and I hope that we can be friends now."

The tiniest of smiles appeared on his face. "I'd like that."

Katara smiled also. "Good. Now come on, I need someone to help me with dinner." Nodding, Zuko followed her back into the kitchen, still a little puzzled by what had just happened. "You're really not very good with the whole forgiveness thing, are you?"

"So I've been told," he muttered.

* * *

 **This little plot bunny nested itself in my head when I was writing The Western Air Temple episode for TEoF and just wouldn't move. That's one of my favorite episodes, just because I think Zuko trying to apologize is the most hilariously awkward and adorably dorky thing ever. And I love Zuko slowly becoming friends with the Gaang in awkward and uncomfortable ways.**

 **I also really enjoy the whole 5+1 trope of fanfictions, and I haven't seen a lot in the A:tLA fandom, so I thought I'd contribute. If anyone has good ones that they've read, please leave them in the reviews!**

 **This story isn't set in my OC verse in case you were wondering, so there's no Kioni in this one. Although** **I really should be working on the 1000-reviews oneshot and the first chapter of the sequel... sorry friends. Hope you like this little piece in the meantime!**


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